


Names - Buck Vu Oneshots

by brokenfandoms



Category: The OA (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 22:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9144742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenfandoms/pseuds/brokenfandoms
Summary: A collection of Buck Vu oneshots from The OA





	1. Names

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in the middle of the night bear with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck's coming out

‘Buck’ just means ‘a male deer’ so he isn’t quite sure why he loves the name so much. He supposes it’s because it’s so distinctly masculine. If he tells people that’s his name, no one will question that he’s a boy. And that is his name, he’s sure of it now. His name is Buck and he is a boy. 

For a while, this remains a secret. He cut his hair short under the pretense of “all the other girls are doing it.” Last month he ordered a binder online and, when questioned about the package, told his parents that it was a Christmas gift for a friend. He continues to buy testosterone out of an abandoned building from a shady kid he knows through school. 

But today he decides it’s time to come out. Carefully, he plans out every word, and in his head he goes over every possible scenario, trying to be prepared for each one. 

All through dinner, he waits for the right moment to bring it up, trying to control his growing anxiety. His hands are shaking so badly that he accidentally drops his water glass, jumping as it crashes to the floor. Thankfully, it doesn’t shatter, but his parents look at him with concern. 

“Michelle, are you okay?” his mom asks. 

“That’s not my name.” Buck says without thinking. This wasn’t his plan, but he might as well go with it now as it’s not like he can take it back. 

“What? Of course that’s your name.” his dad says, both parents looking even more concerned than before. 

Buck’s plan, his deliberately crafted sentences and explanations, have been forgotten. He says, “My name’s not Michelle. Michelle’s a girl’s name and I’m -” he falters slightly, his impulsive confidence already beginning to fade. Taking a deep breath, he manages to finish his sentence, “My name is Buck and I’m a boy.” 

This statement is met with silence and Buck’s heart races faster with each second it stretches on. His parent’s face each show two very different expressions, and it’s unfortunate that his dad speaks first, standing up and saying harshly, “No. Your name is Michelle and you’re still my little girl.” 

With that, his father walks away. His mom, on the other hand, glances apologetically at her son, “I’m sorry. I’m so glad you told us,” she looks back at the retreating figure of her husband, “I’ll try and talk to him.”

And then Buck is left alone at the table, leaning back against his chair as he lets out a sigh. It’s done, it’s been said. But it’s far from over. 

His family is divided now. 

Word spreads around school about ‘that weird trans kid.’

But now everyone knows him as who he is, and isn’t that better? That’s what he tells himself, at least.


	2. Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck's first crush on a guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ^ which just so happens to be French because that's the request I got! (thanks @ThisIsJaylos!) 
> 
> it's been a while but I finally decided to turn this into a book of oneshots so hmu with some prompts!

Buck Vu has only had one crush in his life so far and it was on a girl. When he realized he was trans, he figured he was straight. His gender made him different, nothing else. Until now. Now he's not so sure anymore. 

Alfonso "French" Sosa is a year older than him, and Buck never thought they'd ever meet, let alone become friends. The OA brought them together - and while Buck is grateful for this strange group of new friends, something about the dark-haired boy confuses him. And no, it's not just because Buck can't figure out why French is called French. 

It's because of the way Buck's eyes are always drawn to him, because of the way Buck always wants to be near him. He recognizes these as symptoms of a crush, and refuses to acknowledge it. Instead he brushes it off as him not being used to having friends like this and just misinterpreting these feelings. That's totally it, right? Right. But he can't quite convince himself, no matter how much he keeps trying to.

"You're staring at him again," Buck hisses at himself, catching his eyes wandering in the cafeteria, "Stop it."

But he doesn't, and eventually French notices and makes eye contact, giving a small smile. Buck turns his head away so French can't see him blushing. He should've listened to himself. Why did he keep staring? Whatever. The bell rings and he has different things to worry about - PE is his next class.

No matter how many times he has to walk into the girl's locker room, despite the fact he has to deal with it everyday, Buck still hasn't gotten used to it. It never got easier. At least now he's developed a habit of mentally disconnecting from the world whenever he feels dysphoric. Sometimes he daydreams vividly, and sometimes he just doesn't think at all and looses all sense of time and reality. Today, as he grabs his PE clothes from his locker and hurries to change in the bathroom, he starts drifting off to that safe place in his head, letting his body move on autopilot as he lives in his fantasy version of reality instead. 

The absolute last thing he needs right now is fucking Alfonso Sosa showing up in his daydream, invading his self made safe space. These daydreams are supposed to be a coping mechanism, not a reminder of more anxiety. And yet here he is in Buck's made up reality, with his adorable smile that does something strange to Buck's heart. Buck wants to scream. He's so frustrated that he rips himself out of his daydream, digging his fingernails into the skin of his arm to keep himself from drifting back. He runs out of the girl's locker room. 

Instead of going to join the rest of the class in the gym, Buck goes around the corner and sits with his back against the wall, trying to calm his shaking breath and shaking hands. 

"Okay, fine," He says aloud. He's annoyed at himself, but also tired, defeated, "Fine, it's a crush. Okay, I like him. I like him. I like French."

Admitting it to himself didn't make him feel any better. Instead it brought on a whole new wave of thoughts and fears. Now he has to figure out what that really means. He's already trans, he can't be gay too. Or maybe he's really just a straight girl after all. More similar thoughts and arguments fill his brain, and he hits the back of his head against the wall a few times in an attempt to drive them out. 

"I'm a boy," Buck mutters, "I'm a boy who likes a boy. Why can't I just be okay with that? I should be okay with that because it is okay. It's okay. So why isn't it okay?"

He tries to fight off his negative and confusing thoughts until he can't anymore and he drowns in them. Hours pass and the last school bell of the day rings, and Buck is still shaking against the side of the building. "Why isn't okay? Why isn't it okay?"

People walk by him on their way to the bike racks and the parking lot. Some give him weird looks but most pay him no attention, until along comes the very boy that's been haunting Buck all day. Of course. Buck doesn't even notice French is there until he feels a hand on his shoulder and a voice asking, "What's wrong?"

Buck is torn. Half of him is screaming "don't touch me" and the other half just wants to throw his arms around the other boy and cry into his chest. Buck figures the first option would be rude and the second would be awkward later, so instead he just shrugs his shoulder away from French's touch and says, "I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine, actually, but that's obvious and you knew that." Great, not only is he shaking and crying in front of the boy he likes who also unknowingly sent him into this state in the first place, but now he's starting to ramble too. Buck tries to finish his sentence as simply as possible, "I'm just having some issues with myself. It's not your problem."

"Okay," French says, but he sits down next to Buck and doesn't leave until the younger boy has stopped shaking.

Buck finally pushes himself up, using the wall as support. He looks at French, silent for a second before saying quietly, "Thanks for staying with me."

It didn't help his stupid crush or his identity crisis, but without French there Buck probably wouldn't have calmed down that quickly. That's something.

French smiles. That killer smile. "No problem. I hope you figure yourself out soon."

"Yeah," Buck says, "Me too."


End file.
